 Living Life is not the same as existing
Life is a continuum of gifts; sometimes pleasant, sometimes not so pleasant, yet all experiences are gifts. Accepting and embracing the cycle is living, resisting the cycle is the cause of all suffering – it is the painful place of existing. What is being human? Often we are required to fulfill the portion of the journey as being human, as opposed to human being. Being human is experiencing discomfort; acknowledging the existence of discomfort, and witnessing the process toward the alleviation of discomfort. I personally witness discomfort often; and although I have the tools to process it, I am continually taught that the tools are but one piece of the puzzle. The practice I am often offered is the practice of allowing time to play its role. Discomfort is not something to be fixed or removed, it is a phenomenon to be experienced. The desire to remove discomfort as quickly as possible becomes the cause of the next level of discomfort we experience. The stronger the desire to remove it, the greater the discomfort becomes. When we practice to recognize and allow discomfort to be present in the moment (which is one of the more difficult practices), we are processing the gift of awareness of impermanence. By admitting discomfort is present, and allowing it space to share with me the message it is here to offer, I am acknowledging life; I am living. Suffering exists; we experience suffering in order to develop compassion toward those who suffer, with the knowledge we all suffer. Practice to witness suffering in the Self; practice to hold this experience, and to witness the cessation of suffering by allowing time to play its role as you process the emotion; and use this experience to extend love toward all those who suffer. Suffering exists All people suffer There is a pathway to the cessation of suffering Suffering ends Click Here to learn how to live life fully ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul J Pettit Born in Sydney Australia in 1963. Paul is a practitioner of *naturopathy, certified life coach, certified reflexologist, & certified naturopathic usui shiki ryoho reiki therapist. He is also a published author of a self-help series of books, and Podcast host of Mindfulness Mondays Paul specializes in mindfulness-based practices. * Naturopaths use natural therapies to treat pathology or diseases and dysfunctions. For more information on Paul Pettit - http://www.paulpettit.com
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 THE DIRECTION OF HAPPINESS
Awakening to, and understanding the simplicity of, eastern practices over the complexity of western sciences are a journey forever filled, and my passion in life. I hold a great deal of gratitude toward my clients who are open to learning, as I invite them to pause and unpack the knowledge to be found in the practices I share. Practices such as the Neijing Tu 內經圖, Understanding the microcosm of Self in the macrocosm of the universe. Over these past five years in the USA, my clients have been my lantern. They have proven to me that when someone is prepared to do the work, life definitely changes for the better, not just for Self but also for our family, friends, colleagues, and for those whose lives we connect with along the journey. EASTERN PRACTICES If eastern practices sound a little too woo-woo for you, allow me to offer you a taste in western mindset terms (through some of the studies I have undertaken; the teachings of Otto Rank, Kierkegaard, Carl Yung, and Rudolph Otto from who are among many of the great names of western science teachers I have enjoyed learning) Where do we start? Let’s unpack, and simplify, some of the western teachings that offer an answer toward The Meaning Of Life, or perhaps the question “Who am I”? THE MEANING OF LIFE, OR, WHO AM I? Through eastern practices one can unpack Metaphysics (Ontology), Psychoanalysis (Individuation), Agape (Greco-Christian term referring to unconditional love), Eros (Sensual or passionate love), and Uroboros (Ancient Egyptian iconography). We start by recognizing that there are two parts to the Self. 1.A part that knows I am not perfect 2.A part that wants to be perfect Therefore there is a dichotomy at play, and a conundrum associated with the dichotomy. We strive to be perfect, or at least attempt to create perfection through attaining something externally (in the form of recognition or validation from others), through developing a fortress of strength surrounding the Self (financial freedom/success in business/ success in life). The actions we take assist evolution, yet we crave the ultimate goal of achieving IT (the goal of life), which in fact goes against the universal requirement of imperfection for evolution to continue. If we achieve IT (the goal of life) we no longer need to evolve. If we no longer evolve, the universe becomes stagnant. The universe therefore relies upon us to recognize the necessity to remain imperfect. This scenario creates a never-ending suffering, until we are aware that it is desire itself (for recognition) that creates the suffering. While we continue to look externally for validation of our existence, and misguidedly believe this external validation, or recognition, is only achieved through appearing to be successful in life (I call this our desire for heroic greatness) we shall suffer. In western terms this is the action of transference (seeking recognition externally), and is present due to the ceaseless desire for recognition of Self, through the eyes of other-than-self. THE TIMELINE There appears to be a Timeline Of Transference: Seeking acceptance & recognition from:
However, when we pause and recognize that it is this external pursuit of happiness (achieving the goal of life) that is responsible for (or the cause of) the problems we experience in life, we can see that we create the suffering ourselves. THE ANSWER TO THE CESSATION OF SUFFERING: By learning the internal path of acceptance & recognition, we cure our suffering. We learn to focus our attention internally, by recognizing the full physical & spiritual existence of what makes up this thing called Self. It is through the practices of awareness of Self that the riddle begins to be solved. We cease using external physical transference, as we develop the knowledge of universal oneness (we are a part of the universe, not separate to it) or (we are a part of God, not separate to it). Through the practices of self-awareness we begin to witness that we are contributing toward the existence of the universe itself (or God) by developing the individual Self. We begin to understand that it is essential to be perfectly imperfect; and therefore we cease seeking validation from the external objects of transference from which we have been seeking validation. The imperfections, or our inadequacies, are a necessity for growth, rather than an obstacle toward it. We start to recognize the Self in its entirety; the good, the bad, and the ugly all exist in each and every one of us, and therefore we are not imperfect – we are being given an opportunity to live and witness the matrix of potentiality (the opportunity to move toward whatever we choose to move toward in life) through the continuation of the cycle of evolution, by being perfectly imperfect. THE SIMPLICITY In learning that your role is to be who you are (in each and every changing moment), one ultimately recognizes it is the journey of uncertainty that brings us joy, not the destination of certainty. Simply put, as your journey unfolds before you, “Your job is to be you”.  THE FORMULA
There exists a formula that is available to all souls. Once understood, this formula removes emotional suffering & opens the gateway to happiness. The formula of which I mention, in relation to emotional suffering, is not unlike any mathematical formula, although it uses experience instead of numbers. Akin to any mathematical formula, this formula is never exhausted; it creates clarity, certainty in uncertainty, and known from that which is currently unknown. The formula is objectively & subjectively universal. It transforms circumstances into experiential knowledge. Any circumstance, whether pleasant or unpleasant becomes an opportunity for emotional suffering to cease. By using the formula you emotionally take back control of any outcome, and ultimately of your life in its entirety. Why haven't you learnt the formula yet? What is stopping you? These two questions are gifts in themselves. When you make the effort toward investigating the answers to the questions, with curiosity, you are already on the pathway forward. Learn HOW to process each gift (each circumstance) that is offered to you in life and you will be forever moving forward toward happiness; but keep resisting the offer and you will always end up exactly where you are today, continually living in the past results. www.paulpettit.com  RESPONSIBILITY
What emotions come up for you when the word Responsibility is presented? Do you immediately go to the past & check-in with those moments that shine the flashlight onto mistakes? You are not alone if this is what occurs; in fact the majority of people view Responsibility in this manner, and associate the unpleasant emotions that arise as negative. However, when you learn the practices that develop awareness of the brain’s negativity bias, and its habitual behavior to view unpleasant emotions as negative, you discover that they are actually not negative – they are positive. Through learning mindfulness practices you also develop the practices of Acceptance; knowing that when the brain is not focused it moves into the automatic mode of survival. Therefore when the word Responsibility is presented to the brain it goes into FFFF (Fight,Flight,Freeze, or Fawn) mode. THE CYCLE OF EMOTION By understanding what takes place (the cycle of an emotion) you are better prepared to view every emotion as a gift, even unpleasant emotions. When you know how to process emotions you recognize them as a vehicle to move you forward, as opposed to keeping you ‘stuck’. Therefore Responsibility can be viewed as an opportunity to move forward, when the brain is focused by the mind. In other words, viewing Responsibility mindfully, offers you the opportunity to accept what transpired in the past, & relinquish the past, leaving you free to take Responsibility of the future. When is the only moment that you can make an active difference to the future? The present!
Responsibility does not need to be viewed as an onerous task; it can be viewed as a gift that leads to the uncharted future-matrix of potentiality; you can take Responsibility & move toward actions that offer you the preferred emotional freedom you seek.  Sacrifice & Worship
Mythology & Religion share the stories of sacrifice & worship, in order to achieve meaning. But what does that mean in modern day times? The short answer is to sacrifice the safety of known, and begin to worship the potentiality of the Unknown. When I awakened, like many, I did not realize I was asleep - until I woke up. My true journey began; I took the first step forward toward the discovery of living life with meaning & purpose as opposed to simply existing in the known. I discovered that the Unknown becomes known, when you move toward it. Responsibility & Meaning are entwined. In seeking meaning, I discovered that wanting something 'more than this' in life meant taking responsibility; I needed to move toward something better. I needed to release the fear of the unknown, and move toward it. ‘Responsibility’ is a massive unknown; and the brain, due to its primary function of survival, has a habitual aversion toward the unknown. To the brain, survival is achieved in the arena of known, not unknown. Therefore I had a constant battle subduing the fear the brain created of the unknown. This is where the Mind became my greatest weapon. The mind offers the opportunity for voluntary exploration of the unknown by using curiosity over judgment. In other words, the mind allows you to drop judgment of previous perceived shortcomings & replace this judgment with curiosity – curiosity as to why previous results did not give you the desired "better than this" that you seek. I learnt to capture & control time & space. Time & Space When we concentrate on time & space alone, awareness rises; and with it an understanding that the Mind has the capacity to overrule the brain’s habitual behavior of survival & the need to cling to certainty of the known. The known can only be found in the present moment, therefore it is imperative to rule over the brain, keep it focused in the present moment, while gently moving it toward the unknown future. How often is your brain focused in the present moment? (I would suggest rarely). Take 60 seconds to pause, and witness where the brain takes you. Keep a finger on the pulse of how often it goes to the past or the future, and how little it remains in the present. The mind is the vehicle of Imagination The power of this formless part of you (the Mind) is beyond anything known to mankind. The Mind has the capacity for imagination. Imagination is no less real than perception (how you view the current moment). The Mind has the capacity to create an image (thought), and this image is given to the brain to process (the brain does not know the difference between a thought & reality). The brain will accept any image the mind offers, and will commence the process of creating a reality from the image. It will then flood the body with related chemicals (neurotransmitters/neuropeptides/hormones) in order to move toward the goal of the image. In order to live with emotional freedom Sacrifice the habitual behavior of the Brain, and worship the ability of the Mind, this is the first step toward emotional freedom. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul J Pettit Born in Sydney Australia in 1963. Paul is a practitioner of *naturopathy, certified life coach, certified reflexologist, & certified naturopathic usui shiki ryoho reiki therapist. He is also a published author of a self-help series of books, and Podcast host of Mindfulness Mondays Paul specializes in mindfulness-based practices. * Naturopaths use natural therapies to treat pathology or diseases and dysfunctions. For more information on Paul Pettit - http://www.paulpettit.com  You are not faulty; it’s all about the chemicals
Does life feel like it is out of control at times? Well, that feeling is not unique to you alone. Human beings are a capsule of chemicals that are activated by an energy source; and sometimes the alchemy of it all is simply out of alignment. Our Brain continually seeks certainty in places where it does not exist; it views chaos as something to be avoided at all costs, and therefore we try to control our lives, circumstances, and those 'other' people & things that we misguidedly think make our life miserable. This is damage control. The term damage control is not only relevant to moments of unpleasantness, it can occur during moments of pleasantness too. One moment everything seems to be fine, you act in ways that are 'freeing' and without any concern, but then without any notice, your circumstances change. You find that once again you had a little too much 'fun'; a few too many drinks, drugs, or perhaps too much food, partying, or care-free activity. You have been engaged with the world at such a level that your existential concerns disappeared (but they did not actually go too far). Why do you keep doing this? If you are truly interested in something that will give you a chemical release that is associated with positive affect, true confidence to be recreational drug /alcohol free, develop increased immunological functioning, better memory functioning & learning capabilities, then you need go no further. You have the ingredients inside of you - but you haven't been shown HOW to tap into this amazing opportunity to live life fully. So why are you avoiding the opportunity to become optimally tuned? Because you didn't know you were asleep until you woke up. Are you awake??? When you know how, you get to choose. Now is the time to move forward to a better life... Click Here to learn how to live life fully ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul J Pettit Born in Sydney Australia in 1963. Paul is a practitioner of *naturopathy, certified life coach, certified reflexologist, & certified naturopathic usui shiki ryoho reiki therapist. He is also a published author of a self-help series of books, and Podcast host of Mindfulness Mondays Paul specializes in mindfulness-based practices. * Naturopaths use natural therapies to treat pathology or diseases and dysfunctions. For more information on Paul Pettit - http://www.paulpettit.com  What is Life Coaching (and What is it Not)?
Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize his/her own performance. A life coach is someone who offers guidance or advice regarding challenges, decisions, or questions in your life. The impetus for seeking a life coach often comes when a person feels stuck. To resolve this, a life coach will draw on approaches from psychology, counseling, sociology, and sometimes business, to help individuals set and pursue personally meaningful goals. These goals may center on several possible areas of development including relationships, career progression, creative pursuits, education, and more. In contrast, life coaching is not therapy or counseling, which pairs a mental health professional with a client seeking guidance around mental wellness. Life coaching also differs from mentorship and training, whereby a professional is paired with a more experienced professional, often in a workplace or industry setting. Methodology/approaches: Life coaching has grown out of decades of research in social psychology, clinical psychology, and professional coaching. The practice primarily has its roots in humanistic and transpersonal psychology (Williams, 2012). 1. Transformational Learning Transformative learning theory argues that humans hold a specific worldview informed by their experiences. This worldview acts like a frame of reference, which affects how we interpret events, assign meaning to the things that happen to us, and interact with our environment (Mezirow, 1997). Importantly, these frames of reference are elicited and operate unconsciously. This means that if we do not explore our frames of reference and understand our ingrained thought patterns, we remain at a disadvantage when we attempt to learn how to grow and change habitual behavior. Developing an awareness of how we unconsciously process events is central to life coaching philosophy, and is often critical for achieving transformative change. 2. Emotional Intelligence The theory of emotional intelligence (or EQ) posits that there are multiple types of intelligence beyond the commonly held idea of intelligence as a cognitive resource. Emotional intelligence refers to our “ability to perceive and express emotion, assimilate emotion in thought, understand and reason with emotion, and regulate emotion in the self and others’’ (Mayer, Salovey, & Caruso, 2000, p. 396). Those high in emotional intelligence are thought to be effective at managing their own emotions, and are good at identifying and considering others’ emotions. Conversely, those low in emotional intelligence rarely stop to think about what they are feeling, and are more likely to misread others’ motives and intentions. Theories of emotional intelligence have permeated many psychological fields of inquiry and practice, including life coaching. Specifically, life coaches use their knowledge of emotional intelligence to help clients recognize emotions as valuable sources of information (e.g., compassion). Life coaches can also tailor their teachings about emotional intelligence to apply to a range of personal and professional spheres. These can include management and leadership coaching, intimate relationships, and friendships/social networks. 3. Cognitive-Behavioral Theory Cognitive-behavioral theory is grounded in the combination of behavior theory and cognitive theory. The principles of the theory are widely used in therapeutic settings to help clients understand their thoughts and change their reactions and behaviors (Benjamin et al., 2011). A key model stemming from cognitive behavioral theory often drawn upon by life coaches is the Thought Model. This theory describes a process whereby activating events (Circumstances) (A) trigger thoughts (B), which lead to feelings (C) pertaining to our emotions and subsequent behaviors. This is the process creating the current results in our life (D) Life coaches are skilled at helping clients identify how distorted or irrational thoughts or beliefs stemming from activating events (circumstances) may have negative consequences. They are also skilled at intervening by helping clients to challenge and change problematic thoughts/beliefs in order to facilitate more positive consequences, such as lessened anxiety or increased adaptivity. 4. Experiential Learning Theory Experiential learning theory is a model of adult learning that essentially argues the benefits of learning by doing. The theory posits that individuals learn through a cyclical process of concrete learning, reflective observation, abstract conceptualization, and active experimentation (Kolb, Boyatzis, & Mainemelis, 2001). A life coach can facilitate all phases of this cyclical process by encouraging clients to reflect on their actions and their consequences. For instance, within the context of the The Thought Model, coaches can invite clients to experiment with adopting new, more adaptive, thoughts in response to challenging activating events. The hands-on principles of experiential learning apply well to coaching relationships, wherein the client is positioned as the driver of the relationship and the focus is on his/her day-to-day behaviors that serve as opportunities for experimentation and learning. The client experiences change in life results, through change of behavior. 5. Life Coaching as a Science While each of these theories has had a significant influence on the practice of life coaching, not all coaches draw explicitly from this literature alone. Paul Pettit has designed a program (MBLC) which combines practices from some of the theories mentioned above, with additional modalities drawn from phenomenology, neuropsychology, and energy-based practices including naturopathic reiki & reflexology. Disclaimer:The information provided on the BMS website, associated paraphernalia, and the programs & therapies offered, have been formulated through research conducted from a variety of evidence-based resources. This can include, but is not limited to, the tools & techniques offered in mindfulness practices, buddhist practices, meditation practices, reiki therapy, business practices, yoga practices, and exercise programs etc. When participating in our program/s or therapies, we cannot guarantee that you will have the same experiences or results as the founder of BMS, it's therapists / practitioners, or current and previous clients. BMS therapists & practitioners are accredited in their field of expertise, however they are not medical doctors and cannot provide medical advice. None of the information or programs we provide should be used as a replacement for seeking advice from your preferred medical health practitioner.  It's time to bring to the surface the harmful social effects caused by the all-too-prevalent message that men need to toughen-up, do it alone, get over it or move on.
Real life human connection has profound benefits to our emotional stability, and in turn, our behavior. This is because of something known as co-regulation. Co-regulation can be a confusing concept. Wikipedia describes it as “the continuous unfolding of individual action that is susceptible to being continuously modified by the continuously changing actions of the partner”. No wonder this message is not being received! But it is really as simple as this: sharing time in real life with another human being improves emotional stability. Studies have also shown for decades now that mindfulness is a keystone to achieving emotional stability. Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you become keenly aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without judgment or analysis. It establishes clear seeing, acceptance, and self-compassion. This is why we’ve established the Mindful Men community. Our Mindful Men Community Offers A Space To Practice Mindfulness In Real Life Connection With Others Mindful social interaction, or practicing mindfulness in real life presence of others, creates an environment where limbic resonance, empathy, compassion, and collectivism can be exchanged between individuals instantly, even without saying a word. Human connection, due to limbic resonance, employs a natural exchange of emotional energy between humans. Our bodies enable us to register one another’s emotional energy, and respond instantly - and without thought. In other words, words are not necessary to ‘feel’ the emotions of another human being. Neither written nor spoken words can replace body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, and eye contact - which are just a few of the external signs of human interaction. There are also energetic interactions taking place within each person, which are experienced more internally. This is why our Mindful Men offerings are so powerful. Social Media Has Gotten Us Off Track Social media has confused us into thinking we are connecting with others. However, this type of connection does not generate the limbic resonance we desperately need for our well-being. It’s time to return to what’s real. While social media is a means for connection, it has been strongly influenced and crafted for commercial use and society has been sucked into the stream. This has taken a toll on our ability to maintain emotional regulation, which was previously maintained through co-regulation. The societal shift from real life interaction to print, then to media, and then to social media platforms (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) has caused significant damage to the emotional stability of the individual over time. Again, simply put, people are not receiving and offering limbic resonance and co-regulation in their lives. They are operating solo, while using social media. Is There A Happy Medium? We believe there is, and this is why the Mindful Men’s group was formed. We have created a space where you can learn to change unproductive habits into proactive practices that will create emotional stability - you will feel the benefits of peace, clarity and joy while learning and engaging in the practices. Connection is an innate human need. It is how we survive. When we learn how to connect mindfully, we create a mutually beneficial relationship with like-minded Men. Step Away from Social Media and Share Time with Mindful Men I’ve been caught in the grind myself. Now that I know better, I do better. Through personal experiences I have come to truly understand the importance of creating experiences for co-regulation in my life. Thus, I choose to share personal space, and the energy of being human, with other men. Overcoming the discomfort of vulnerability is a practice. I’ve had to learn to get comfortable with vulnerability. I’ve had to learn to accept who I am in each given moment, and it has offered me emotional freedom. I invite you to step out from the shadows and you will soon realize you are not alone. Register Today For The Mindful Men Offering That Fits Your Needs Engaging in our community can help you achieve the emotional well-being you need to make the changes in your life you desire. It is a place where you can replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with those that bring a sense of meaning and peace to your life. The following offerings are available to you today!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul is a certified Life Coach, certified Reflexologist, & certified Naturopathic Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki Therapist, specializing in mindfulness-based practices. He is also a published author of a self-help series of books, and Podcast host of Mindfulness Mondays, currently on iTunes and Spotify. You can find some of his meditations on the Heartswell YouTube Channel. Paul offers 1-to-1 in-person services in Arlington, VA USA & Sydney Australia. Life Coaching services are offered (virtually) throughout the world. Individually tailored tools and techniques are shared to enable clients to develop a state of emotional awareness and behavior. To learn more about Paul and schedule a consultation, click here.  When is Knowing, Knowledge?
There is a great difference between knowing & knowledge; there is also a great clarity that arises within the Self when we understand the difference. Knowing, is a cognitive awareness (the relative belief of something), whereas knowledge is a deeper understanding that comes from the experience itself. As an example, when we express to someone “I know how you feel”, we are stating that we have cognitive awareness of their state-of-being. However this does not equate to experiencing the actual event, as it transpired within the other person. Therefore we ‘know’ how they feel, but we do not have ‘knowledge’ of how they feel – because we did not actually feel the emotion. Knowledge comes to us through every emotion we experience, which in turn allows us to share any experience (to know what it is like) of another living entity. Knowledge is a power tool indeed; and when used from a place of love allows the action of compassion to manifest, bearing witness to the underlying oneness of all things. Knowing this, how can we forsake knowledge? Learn to walk toward discomfort & fear – you will come to know knowledge.  “YOUR ROLE IS NOT TO SEEK HAPPINESS; IT IS TO LEARN HOW TO REMOVE THE BARRIERS THAT YOU HAVE BUILT AGAINST IT.” Seeking externally for happiness is fruitless.
How do I know this? Because I too spent decades searching for the illusive land of happiness, and then I awakened. It was not an instant awakening; it was a gradual process of understanding that I had been creating the very thing that was stopping me from being happy; I had been creating my own world, by my very own actions and inactions. When it finally dawned upon me that it was me who was creating barriers, and that circumstances manifested because I had created them, I knew that my life was about to change for the better. My life was about to become so powerful, so magnificent, so fulfilling, that I would look back one day & realize why I am here. That day arrived in 2015; my life’s work & life’s purpose have been one-and-the-same ever since. I now teach others who are ready; those who are willing to do the work, and remain committed to achieving the simple, yet not easy, task of being themselves. 2,500 years of teachings. By learning the practices that have been shared for more than 2,500 years, you are able to transform your life to an unprecedented level of emotional freedom. You learn to live in each moment, confidently processing the lows, and embracing the highs, with an understanding that each are equal in value. All that you need is within you, and the practices I share show you how to dismantle the barriers that are the cause of your problems. The problems are not the problem - the cause is. Interestingly, the problems you experience are a gift, not a curse. The problems are the universe’s way of tapping you on the shoulder & suggesting that you may want to take a moment to discover what it is that you are doing incorrectly; what barriers are you erecting that are prohibiting you from living happily? Happiness is moments of joy strung together. It is a feeling-state; an awareness & acceptance of the ‘isness’ of the moment – the ‘what is’ that is the current moment. Happiness is already present, but you may not know it; in fact it may not be happiness you are seeking – it may be ‘happier?’ When you are ready to develop the skills that will guide you toward emotional freedom, that moment appears…is that moment now? ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Paul J Pettit Born in Sydney Australia in 1963. Paul is a practitioner of *naturopathy, certified life coach, certified reflexologist, & certified naturopathic usui shiki ryoho reiki therapist. He is also a published author of a self-help series of books, and Podcast host of Mindfulness Mondays Paul specializes in mindfulness-based practices. * Naturopaths use natural therapies to treat pathology or diseases and dysfunctions. For more information on Paul Pettit - http://www.paulpettit.com |
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